20 Weeks - Yay halfway there! Uh Oh, halfway there.

20 weeks down and +/- 20 weeks to go.  Crazy that it's gone by this quickly.  I had a close friend tell me it feels like I've been pregnant forever.  I was actually thinking the opposite.  Although I've (thankfully) put my spew-o-rama first trimester memories pretty much behind me,  it still feels like we just found out we were pregnant.  I definitely don't feel like I've been pregnant 5 months already.  Part of me is saying Yay! The other part is starting to think Discovery Health and it's baby shows has become a lot less beautiful and a lot more scary. 

What I am Up To

I've definitely started nesting.  I think buying the crib really increased the anxiety that my home just isn't ready yet for our baby to live/grow in.  Sure, my due date is about 5 months away, but look how fast the last 5 months have gone!  Ah! 

Buying the crib in itself was a little adventure.  I had seen the MiGi Sweet bedding set for the crib at Target.com and fell in love with it.  It came in a 6-piece set though and I didn't want all the pieces.  So, I checked the Migi website for other retailers (hoping they might sell some of the pieces individually or in a smaller/cheaper set) so I could actually see the set in real life and maybe find some reviews online.  On a whim, even though it wasn't a listed retailer, I was surprised to find it available at Baby's R Us where I registered.  I could have sworn I looked at all the bedding sets at BRU and didn't love any of them.  So, I called the actual store to see if they had the set in stock and they had 1 left.  I put it on hold and rushed on over.  I did a quick tally of all the gift cards we had gotten for Christmas and found that we would actually have enough to buy the set (which was only 4 pieces), the crib, the mattress and the changing pad.  I was pretty excited.  When I went in, however, they didn't have either my crib or mattress in stock.  So, I ended up buying the bedding set, an extra sheet set, the matching mobile, the matching changing pad cover and the changing pad.  In the meantime, the guy in the baby furniture department was trying to order the crib for me so I could pick it up in the store in 7-10 days (instead of ordering it myself by phone or online and having to pay $80! in shipping - my crib, by the way, ended up being less than a hundred dollars after a coupon I had).  Their system, however, kept shutting down.  So, this past weekend I called just to see if they had gotten any Jenny Lind-Golden Honey cribs in and they had.  The guy on the phone remembered me and put it on hold for me to pick up.  It all worked out pretty well because I was able to use a 15% off coupon on the bedding set and another one on the crib a week later.  Nice!

The crib is now sitting in it's box in my living room waiting for me (well, my husband) to move some furniture and totes of crafting stuff out of the nursery and into the garage.  My husband swears this will happen "on his next day off."  Until then I have been cleaning dirt from places that haven't seen day since before the original owners were here I think.  All the things that we've been saying we needed to do are now being done.  By me.  It's like all of a sudden the dust on our fan blades has become a horrid intruder in our home and must be vanquished this very instant.  I let my parents borrow our carpet steamer around Thanksgiving and I now feel a sudden urgency in getting it back as soon as possible.  I have more than once mentally tried to decide whether or not this machine would fit in the back of my VW Rabbit if I went over RIGHT NOW to get it.  I'm am also actually excited to open/use the hard surface steam "Shark" my mom got us for Christmas.  Just wait until the dank places under the stove, fridge, and washer and dryer get a load of that baby.      

I received the order of cloth diapers I had put in to Jillian's Drawers on the 22nd after 8 days.  So, 2 days ago.  I was a little surprised to find them with no kind of wrapping in the shipping box.  I guess it's better for the environment than having like 20 little plastic bags to deal with.  I decided yesterday to go ahead and order 12 more of the fitted Kissaluvs to make sure I had enough.  I ended up placing this order through Nicki's Diapersthough.  They offered a free or discounted diaper cover and free shipping with each order of 6 Kissaluvs.  So, I saved some money.  I stayed with Prowrap diaper covers, but order these 2 in small instead of newborn.  Just to have a little bigger size on hand as we transition from fitteds into pocket diapers.

I also got my car back finally.  I picked it up Tuesday.  I had to pay the deductible though because the lady responsible didn't have the Mercedes she was driving on her policy.  So, even though I will be reimbursed, my insurance company has to straighten things out with her insurance company.  My insurance company also sent me paperwork for reimbursement of my medical expenses in case my doctor charges me for the visit on the day of the accident.  I guess her insurance will also have to pay me for my distress and inconvenience because I felt the need to go to the doctor.  I didn't know that.  So, in addition to my claims adjuster, I have been assigned an "injury" adjuster and a medical adjuster.  Again, all extremely nice people.  If you have access to USAA through your own, your spouse's or a parent's military service, I highly recommend both their car insurance and online banking.  Phenomenal customer service on both fronts.

How I Am Feeling Physically/Physical Changes

I'm feeling pretty great these days.  I still have lots of energy and a good apetite.  I've stopped the Zofran and will provide updates on how that goes as times progresses (it's only been 2 days so far).  I can now feel the baby move pretty regularly.  On Sunday, the 27th, I was laying in bed and had this pressure sensation in my lower right abdominal region.  So, I instinctively put my hand on the area and felt these little pound pound pounds on and off.  It was amazing!  I tried to wake my husband up so he could feel, he's such a bear though and it was a no go.  So, I just enjoyed them by myself.  Now I notice her movements much more often.  I think I may have been feeling them before, but I just thought it was gas or digestion.  

A couple of negatives, physically, that I've noticed are acne and my tight tummy.  I'm not majorly breaking out or anything, but if I do get a new blemish it's usually red and deep and big.  Annoyingly, I'll find these in inconvenient places; like on my neck.  My poor belly feels really tight on and off.  Not itchy or anything, just really tight and sore.  It kind of feels like what's inside is trying to expand, but my skin isn't expanding fast enough.  So, I have a weirdly "hard" belly on and off.   

How I Am Feeling Mentally At This Point

Besides the brief bouts of insanity that accompany my nesting instinct, I am feeling content and excited, but also a little scared.  I am content with both my weight gain and the baby's growth/development as of the last ultrasound.  Both I and the baby seem to be right on track.  This weeks prenatal visit was postponed until next week because of something going on at the Dr's office, but in-leu of the regular fetal doppler readings I look forward to every 4 weeks, I get to actually feel her moving everyday.  So, that's exciting (and a constant comfort that she's ok).  I've read that she should be able to hear me sometime between now and week 23.  So, I think about that whenever I'm humming while doing chores or talking excitedly while playing with our little dogs. 

The scariness for me comes from 2 places right now.  I still worry that something will happen with my pregnancy.  It's not a constant worry or anything.  Sometimes I just think to myself how horrible it would be to not make it to at least 24 weeks, or to carry to term and not come home with a perfectly healthy baby girl.  My husband and I were both premature (I was born 2 months early and he was a twin born 3 months early).  So, even though it would be worrisome to both of us, I think we could handle her having to stay at the hospital if she came early; only because we turned out just fine and this was with hospital technology 30 years ago.  Plus, our hospital in literally within walking distance from my house.  So, I could be there everyday no problem.  But to lose her would be devastating.  I remember years ago when a lady in my church group, who was perfectly healthy during her pregnancy and who had already given birth to 3 perfectly healthy children, went into labor and ended up giving birth to a stillborn baby.  Or, more recently, a close friend of our family gave birth to twins, a boy and a girl, and ended up only coming home with the girl (who was actually about half the size of her little brother).  The baby boy passed.  So, although I don't dwell on the thought, it does scare me sometimes.  My other concern is about labor and delivery.  I know that this is a perfectly natural process.  Whether it's in the hospital hooked up to monitors with an epidural in the back or in a home or birthing center with a midwife and breathing and positioning techniques or some other combination of these, all kinds of women go through labor and delivery everyday and make it through just fine.  I see it on TV and read through the birth stories and blogs of women all the time now.  So, I know that this event, whether brief or lengthy is totally do-able.   It's just the fact that I'm going to be feeling sensations I've never felt before and pain worse than anything I've ever experienced for prolonged periods of time that scares me.  The unknown.  Like parenting, I know that I can/will educate myself the best that I can for this experience and not really be prepared for all that I'll have to endure.  I'll just have to go with the flow the best that I can, remember that this will be over soon, and stay focused on the outcome:  my beautiful baby in my arms.  Right now, my plan is to stay home as long as possible since the hospital is so close.  As far as pain management goes, I'll probably get the epidural.  Everyone keeps telling me to just "get the epidural!"  One friend even told me that the epidural is nice just for the dang nurse's coming in and checking you which was very painful for her (and many others I suspect, but I've never read that anywhere).  She said once the epidural was in she was like "bring it on!"    If I find another pain management technique that really works for me though, I'll definitely go with that.  Maybe this is just me, but I think that if for every hour that I was in active labor without an epidural, I was guaranteed a thousand dollar shopping spree anywhere I wanted for my baby, I could totally endure a natural labor and delivery.  Maybe not though.  I'll have to check back with you on that one in +/- 5 more months.

~Jessy